The end of summer is comming..
My sister, walking our family dog.
I’ve been quite off
2019 has been a rollercoaster of emotions and body burns. I don`t think I have ever been in such pain ever!
(I have severe pains around inside my body, and especially in my joints. Theres an ongoing investigation on what this can be - It can also be inherited).
I quit school again because I got a bunch of inflammations from working many hours in front of the computer. Work and exercise didn`t add up with my rutines either, so I have not had any bright opportunities to produce ART as much as I would hope for in 2019.
As most of my closest friends and family know. I`ve been working really hard all my life to develop my art skills, and I was always told to dream big. - Rather than having no dreams at all.
2019 got me scared of losing my dreams. If I am being realistic about my future in ARTs, there might be a chance I have to give up on painting. This is because of my body condition.
So I am being honest with you,
and with myself.
I am currently on a waiting list for changing my doctor . The timing is actually really bad, as I feel I am in seriously need from help.
I had to do a lot in researching around my health, just on my own. About a year ago I met up with an old freind who introduced me to essential oils, and I have since then been discovering the health benefits and growths one can harvest from natural remedies.
It has been a great discovery, and I am using some of the oils every day to support my immune system. I have not had many colds, sore throats or flues since I started out with essential oils.
It`s really is amazing!
The only problem I have been having is working 70 - 100 % as my nervous system seems to shut down when in activity. I use some oils for preventing pains, just so I can work - but the pains has started to act up.
You know, I feel like I am pushing my limits too far.
I have PTSD, and the bodily symptoms can vary. Whenever one has an anniversary let down the symptoms can duplicate.
I`ve been researching about people with childs trauma, and it seems like if you live long enough without proper support, the nervous system will develop different types of rheumatic diseases.
Mental Health under research is farely malnourished.
Rheumatic diseases can be many, and they get their name because the area of study is to poor on mental health. Being mentally ill can (if it goes too long) make you physically ill.
Finding strenght this summer - I had to make myself some new life goals,
Find peace in being me,
my condition and my progress.
To be honest, I feel there is important to have let downs or having challenges in life, but come on.
This year has been so mentally draining!
Like, I used to train 6 - times a week, I used to eat everything and I used to have a lot of family around me.
Life just didn`t want me to have all this benefits while growing up, so now I am finding out how to deal with all the challenges that has come so that I can evolve into being a (hopefully) stronger and better human.
Waiting for doctors and others help isn`t always fun, but one should not forget that help also can be found within.
Starting to help yourself from within is a great starter,
and it could be the key to any solution that you are looking for.
Lesson to everyone: Do your shadow working - You`ll end up with a much more happier life!
I am hopeful.
I am starting to explore the wonders of yoga and meditation. I have slightly found a way to enjoy food, and theres plenty of inspiration on Pinterest!
I have made my friends my family for many years now, but I still feel I have some challenges letting people in. I am currently letting the love of my life in which seems like a must do.
I`ve been working hard on keeping the Core of My Main Family together - And being kept inside myself. (There is a crazy story for this - And the story might be revealed soon). Also one of the main reasons I have been so drained this year. I feel like we are going to get a closure on a crisis chapter from our lives, but I cannot tell when.
And the most important hope ;
I have more dreams.
I do want to make ART and Illustrations, it just can`t happen as fast as it did before. Like an illustration can take days and weeks, so imagine how long it takes to finish one illustration on my challenging days!
I kind of need to make slugs my spirit animal, and love them! haha
Now, I just need to fit all these pieces together - waiting or not waiting for medical help.
Wish you`ve had a nice summer!